Joey fidgeted in his seat of the limo, wondering if everything was going to be all right. They had accepted to go to AJ's party because it was the right thing to do, because it would take their minds away from Chris' troubles, and because Howie was going to be there, and Howie was Chris' friend.
But that didn't meant that they hadn't had to watch out for paparazzi.
In the short week
that Chris had been there with them, the sensationalist photographers
seemed to have multiplied. It was as if they couldn't take a crap without
a flashbulb exploding in
their eyes. They only had privacy inside the Compound, because even their
houses were under siege.
So far, they had managed to keep Chris' away from the public eye, even when Joey was starting to resent it. He loved Chris with all his heart, and even when he knew he couldn't shout it out from the rooftops, he wanted to at least be able to go out and hang with him, as if they were friends.
So now he had the chance. Chris was Howie's friend, which was a good cover story if the question came up. And he was getting as paranoid as JC, which wasn't a good thing.
"Everything's going to be all right, Joey." Chris said, kissing him softly. It was going to be the only kiss they would allow themselves that day, and until they were back in the Compound. "You'll see."
"I know." Joey said, smiling. Chris's eyes shone with happiness, and that was all Joey need to forget his worries.
Because being able to be next to Chris was worth every hurdle that destiny threw their way
* * *
Chris fidgeted inside the suit that Joey had lend him, suddenly feeling very, very out of place. It wasn't only that the clothes that he was wearing were the most expensive ones he had wore in his whole life, or that every single person in the room, except maybe the caterer, earned more money in a week than him in a month, or that he was among the teen idols of the decade…
Joey had stayed with him for the first minutes of the party, until Chris had practically shoved him away to 'mingle with his friends'. It was obvious that Joey was big in the party scene, and Chris didn't want to make him feel as if he had to give up that only because his lover was a socially challenged teacher from Albany who didn't trust himself near a coke, much less around alcohol.
"You don't look happy, Chirs." Howie said from behind him, and Chris almost jumped to the ceiling, making his old friend smile. "In fact, I would say that you look ready to get out of here as fast as you can."
"Well… this is a little… Overwhelming…" Chris stammered, as he waved to the room where Britney Spears and Sarah Michelle Gellar were giggling, exchanging information about their respective boyfriends, as Justin and Freddy Prince Jr. looked as if they wanted to get away from there, really fast. "They are…"
"People like you and I, Chris. Don't let fame ruin your night." Howie sighed, and shook his head. "Go with Joey, mingle a little, and when midnight comes, you'll be able to kiss him and no one in the room will give a shit."
"There are photographers around." Chris said, turning again in the direction where Joey was. Only that Joey was no longer talking to AJ, but to some guy who Chris didn't know. "I can't ruin Joey's career."
"You're starting to sound like Kevin." Howie joked, but Chris could hear no humor in his friend's voice. It was a hollow joke, hiding a lot of pain.
"Justin told us that you and Kevin weren't talking…"
"And how…" Howie smiled, only that this time the smile
was honest. "Don't tell me. Nick told him." When Chris nodded,
Howie shook his head and took a swig out of his beer. "I don't know
what's gotten into him. After Buffalo, everything seemed to be all right.
Sure, he was pissed at me and Nick disappearing without telling him were
we went, but he seemed o.k. with it. Then he got in a big fight with Kristen,
and suddenly, everything I did was like,
a personal offense to him. We haven't talked since… I dunno…
I think it was Kansas."
"And why aren't you talking to him? Maybe if you opened up the communication…" Chris began, only to be shushed by a big Howie D.' grin.
"Don't
do that to me, Kirkpatrick." Howie punched him lightly in the shoulder.
"I know you got that psychiatric degree, and you're dying to show
it. But don't use me as a guinea pig."
"It was worth a try." Chris smiled, and drank a sip of his water. Although he loved sugary stuff, he knew that if he drank too much, he would end up embarrassing Joey. "But seriously, maybe you should find out what the problem is. Emily says she has been reading stuff in the 'net that make look as if the group was breaking up."
"That bad, uh?" Howie shook his head and closed his eyes, avoiding Chris' gaze. "I guess… I guess you're right. I have to talk to him." Then he smiled, and Chris knew things were going to be all right, because it was not a grin, or a fake smile put on because the group always had to smile. It was a real happiness smile, like the ones that had made him fall in love with Howie in college. "But you have to loosen up a little. I swear, Joey's not going to freak out if he finds out how hyperactive you really are."
"Funny, Kate said the same thing to me." Chris laughed, but the joy just didn't reach his heart. He could still remember the first and only time he had accompanied Danny to a reunion with Danny's friends. A reunion where Chris had been introduced as "Danny's younger and childish brother". He had embarrassed Danny that time, by laughing too loud and dancing too much, and Chris never wanted to see that expression of annoyance and humiliation in Joey's face. And if that meant that he had to stay in a corner all night, quietly drinking water, answering every question in monosyllabic, then he could do it. He had done it for Danny too.
* * *
"Thanks for bringing Chris, Joey." AJ said, finishing his beer. "It's the first time I see Howie smile in a long while."
Joey smiled at his old friend, wondering if now would be the time to come out clean with AJ, wondering if maybe the other man could give him some advice regarding everything that had happened in the past months.
But before he could take a decision, AJ surprised him with his next words.
"I just wish Kevin accepted your boyfriend as easily as everyone else. Heck! Even JC likes him now, right?"
"You know about Chris and me?" Joey asked, totally forgetting to answer the other question. A question that didn't need an answer because in that same moment, JC was talking to Chris, trying to get him in the spirit of the party. "When did…"
"It took me some time…" AJ answered, shrugging. "I mean, you're the last guy I thought would be bent, man. We went to some wild parties together. But then JC asked if there were going to be photographers here, and asked if you could bring Chris… and Nick already had assumed Chris was going to be here… I finally put two and two together last night."
"You ok with it?" Joey asked, realizing that he didn't want to know the answer. He didn't want to know that he was going to loose one of his closest friends outside *N Sync.
"Sure." The other man took off his ever present dark glasses so Joey could see his eyes, and Joey knew AJ was being serious. "I'm just pissed at myself for not noticing before, and with you for not telling me. I thought we were buddies."
"We are, AJ." Joey shook his head, looking in the direction where Chris was, frowning when he saw his lover alone, instead of with JC. "I just didn't know how to tell you. It isn't something easy to bring up between parties and award shows."
"Still…" AJ began, but Joey shushed him.
"And I didn't know how you were going to react. Until I met Chris, no one knew." Joey allowed himself to smile at that thought. "I just… I hadn't found someone worth coming out for."
"So, you were always…"
"Yeah."
"And the clubs and the women…"
"Fun and exaggeration."
AJ stayed silent for a while, then smiled. "The other guys didn't know right?"
Joey sighed, now watching as Lance took the place JC had vacated next to Chris. "No. I told Lance when I meet Chris, and it was thanks to him that we hooked up. Justin figured it out that same week. I don't know when JC found out, but it wasn't in Albany."
"Sure? He was drilling holes in your head then." AJ laughed, relaxed. "But I can't blame him. I don't know how would I react if I found out that one of the guys is gay and hadn't told me… not after living with them 24/7 for five years."
* * *
Chris was going to leave his spot next to the wall, and listen to Howie, JC and Lance's advice to 'mingle' a little, when a very drunk Kevin Richardson spotted him. He hadn't exchanged more than five words with the older Backstreet Boy, but he knew that Kevin took too much seriously his role as the 'father' of the group, just like JC.
It made him even more uncomfortable of being there.
"I hate you." Kevin said, his words a little slurred. "You're the reason why everything's wrong in my life right now."
"I barely know you." Chris answered, trying to keep his tone non-confrontational, trying not to take the words to heart, because Kevin was drunk, and drunk people say things they don't mean.
"But you're Howie's friend." With the alcohol, it sounded as 'Huie's fiend', but Chris knew what Kevin meant. "You know him from College. And he never told me about you."
"If it serves as consolation, I hadn't talked to him in years." Chris shrugged, smiling. But his answer was a deeper frown.
"He threw away everything when your sister called you. And he didn't told me. He always talked to me before." Kevin sniffled at that, and leaned closer to Chris, so the teacher could smell the alcohol in his breath. "He used to tell me everything, so why he didn't told me about you?"
Chris blinked, and stepped back, only to find himself cornered with a wall. Finally, he looked straight into Kevin's eyes, surprised to see not anger, but sadness, and honest confusion. "Maybe because I'm not that important? We were only roommates for a couple of years, Kevin… Is not that big deal."
Kevin opened his eyes, and for a second, Chris feared he was going to cry. That was the only reason why he hated when people drank around him. The mood swings. And now, looking at Kevin's bloodshot eyes, he was sure that there was more than alcohol at that party. A fact that he sure wasn't going to mention to Emily if she asked about the party. "He is not talking to me anymore. He hates me."
"Howie doesn't hate you, Kevin…" Chris began, and he tried not to flinch when Kevin hugged him. "And you were the one who stopped talking to him first…"
"It was Kristen's fault." Kevin said, suddenly, and started looking around the room, as if searching for someone. "You know what? You're right. I don't hate you, and I don't hate Howie. I hate my wife… And I gotta find Howie. Now."
And he was gone, leaving Chris to wonder exactly what had he said to change Kevin's mind.
* * *
Nick couldn't help but smile as Justin yelled at Britney. Even when it was supposed to be a party, and they were supposed to be having fun, the blonde girl had started once again with the 'relationship' stuff, and Justin had had it. He had yelled at her that she had apparently forgot that they weren't really a couple, that that was just for show in front of the cameras and not in front of their friends, and if that was the case, then he didn't want to have anything to do with her in the near future.
A flash had been seen through the window as he yelled, and Nick knew that in less than a week "Justin and Britney's break up" would be in everyone's mouth. He even planned to help the fire spread, as soon as he could get a minute alone with a computer.And when Justin dragged him away, towards AJ's pool, he had gone with a smile. Maybe now he could stop inviting Britney over every time he or the guys had a party and wanted to invite Justin. When the groups had started and Pearlman had actually cashed in their so called rivalry, it had been fun to pretend he hated Curly, but now it was a drag. When even the guys from their respective groups knew the truth, there wasn't much challenge to it.
"What did I ever saw in her?" Justin asked him, pulling him out of his mind. "I mean, really, in those two weeks when we were really dating, what was I thinking?"
"It was closer to a week and a half, and I don't know." Nick answered, checking the dark bushes around the pool, just to be sure that there were no cameras around. He wasn't as paranoid as Kevin or Brian, but even he knew that it was wrong to act like yourself if there was a chance of it getting in film. "I'm amazed you kept the pretence up so long."
"It sold magazines and records." Justin laughed, but it was without humor. Tired.
"And lip balm." Nick added, and this time Justin's laugh was closer to real. "What are you going to do now?"
"Stay single for a while." Justin shrugged, smiling. "It's not as if there aren't a thousand or so future Mrs. Timberlake in the country right now. They'll like me single."
"Yeah, and they can wait with the thousand future Mrs. Carter out there." Nick sat on the trampoline, looking at the sky. "Not that I ever have crushed their hopes. My relationships don't last long."
"Our friendship has stood five years and our egos." Justin sat next to him, his feet dangling over the still surface of the water. "That's something."
They stayed silent for a moment, before Nick checked his watch. It was a minute before midnight. A minute before new year.
From where the idea came from, he would never know. But seeing Justin there, sitting on the board of the trampoline, looking at the stars reflected in the pool, he couldn't just not do it.
"J?" He called softly, his voice not betraying the nerves he felt.
"Yeah?" Justin turned around to see him, smiling. There was still a little sadness in his eyes, and Nick knew that he could erase it, at least for a moment.
And so, he did.
He leaned closer, and pushed Justin into the pool, losing balance in the process and falling in too.
That's where the New Year caught them, soaking wet, trying to drench the other, and laughing, happy and able to forget all the weight of fame that was on their shoulders.
* * *
Ten minutes before midnight, Joey managed to find his way back to Chris, who still was drinking just water.
"Are you o.k.?" He asked his lover, trying to see if the smile Chris had was real or not.
"Yeah. I was a little confused when Kevin decided to talk to me, but… I'm fine." Chris answered, smiling. "It's a big party."
"We could have stayed at the Compound if…" Joey began, but Chris shook his head, interrupting.
"It's all right. I'm just not used to see so many famous people outside the t.v."
"What? You mean you know who this people are?" Joey joked, putting his arm over Chris' shoulder. "You finally decided to start reading your sister's 'Teen beat'?"
"More like actually paying attention to MTV instead of just using it as soundtrack when I'm grading papers." As Chris' smile grew bigger, Joey felt better. Maybe it was just that the older man felt like a fish out of water, and not something more serious, as he feared. "Where's Howie?"
"I saw him talking with Kevin a few minutes ago… AJ swears you're like a god or something, because you managed to make them talk after three months of Brian and Nick trying everything they could to get them at least to look each other in the eye." Joey looked around, satisfied to see that everyone's attention was still on the crying shape of Britney, who was being comforted by another blonde who he didn't recognize right away, and pulled Chris towards the stairs. "Come here, there's something I want to show you."
* * *
Chris gasped when they reached AJ's rooftop and he saw the city of Orlando, all lit up. It was a fairly smog-less night, and he could even see tiny lights that could only be Universal Studios and the Disney amusement parks.
It almost looked like a sea of stars.
"You like it?" Joey asked behind him, hugging him.
"It's…" Chris trailed off at the lack of words, then turned around, trying to free himself from the embrace, but Joey didn't let him. "Someone could see us…"
"Not up here." To show Chris what he meant, he kissed him softly in the neck, making his lover giggle. "Not at night. So we can celebrate New Year together, and nothing can spoil it."
"What about your friends? They'll notice we're missing…" Chris still was worried, but the small licks, and the warmth coming out from Joey's words and movements was slowly breaking his resolve.
"My friends know about us. Justin told Nick, Howie always knew, AJ just figured it out…" Joey chuckled. "I bet Kevin knows, and just pretends he doesn't. That leaves Brian, and if you want, I can go ask him, but I rather spend the last minutes of 2000 with you."
And there was nothing that could be said against that, so Chris finally gave up, forgot his worries and turned around to kiss Joey.
Somewhere below, they heard two splashes, and then laughter. And that's how they started the year, surrounded by love, joy and the sea of stars.