Chris cleared his throat again, trying to stall some time. He couldn't believe they were there. He hadn't told Lance what was his previous engagement, and he was sure that Emily hadn't said something at the dinner. Which left the possibility that either Kate had remembered the hotel and called them, or that they were just having a coffee and it was the biggest coincidence in the world that they were there.
In the night when Danny wanted to talk. The first in which he had come to listen Chris without three weeks of begging for Chris' part.
He scanned the crowd a second time -and was that surprise he saw in Joey's eyes? Or was it just wishful thinking? - spotting yet another familiar face, one he hadn't seen in almost six years. Howard Dorough. His roommate. His first unrequited love. Who was there too, waiting for Chris to sing something.
Knowing fully well that he couldn't run, leaving Maren alone to deal with the other angry costumers, he sighed and tried to keep his voice calm as he introduced the first song.
"Hi…" As he spoke, the microphone let a loud whine out.
Just his luck, that the night when there were so many people he knew the
equipment decided to show his age. And although he usually always first
introduced the song and made a quick joke, he couldn't trust his voice
that long. "This is a change from my usual repertory, I hope you
don't hate it too much…"
I'm a neighbor of this world, just for a while,
And by strange coincidence, you're here today.
Such strange coincidences of life,
So many centuries, so many worlds,
So much space, and to coincide…
Joey couldn't describe the feeling that invaded his body when Chris began to sing. It wasn't the usual kind of songs that he liked, more like a mixture of country and blues that in other place, sung by another voice, wouldn't even call his attention.
But when Chris sang… Joey felt each word deep inside his heart. It was a wonderful feeling, and he could almost believe that Chris was singing just for him.
He didn't dare to look at his friends, even when he wanted to see if they were as affected by the song as he was, but he was too afraid… he felt that if he tore his eyes away from the stage, Chris would disappear. His voice was ethereal, young, full of life.
In the back of his mind, he realized that Justin knew that Chris sang there. He and Nick were the ones who found the place… but instead of getting jealous, of trying to analyze why his young friend wanted to see Chris again, he was grateful. They had allowed him to see… to hear Chris again.
Perhaps it was time to talk to Justin. To come out clear with him. Joey had the suspicion that the lead singer wouldn't be shocked, or even surprised by the news… But Justin was terrible keeping secrets, and JC… JC would never take it well.
All these thoughts weighed on the back of his mind, but even that couldn't dull the warmth that Chris' voice brought to his heart.
If I sail, across my mind, across the space,
Or if I want to remember my past lives.
Burdened, I stop and I can't imagine
So many centuries, so many worlds,
So much space, and to coincide
Howie smiled. Chris' voice was as beautiful as he remembered it, clear, high, a voice capable of drawing tears from rocks.
He turned around to see his friends, and wasn't surprised to see that they weren't unaffected by the song. JC and Kevin were almost gaping, and Howie didn't blame them: Chris' voice contrasted with his body. Justin, Nick, Lance, AJ and Brian looked surprised too, if a little less obvious than the older singers, but enough as to believe that they weren't really listening to the song, only to Chris' voice and the way it followed the guitar in perfect harmony.
Joey… Joey seemed to be lost in another world, his eyes never leaving Chris' body on stage. It gave Howie the impression that the world could end in that instant, and Joey wouldn't even notice. Or that the rest of the world had ceased to exist for Joey, and the only thing remaining was Chris.
That only confirmed Howie's theory. Joey had to be the man Kate Kirkpatrick told him about.
The fact that neither his bandmates nor *N Sync had noticed him also amused Howie. Obviously they were too focused in Chris and in the sudden friendship between Justin and Nick to notice if Howie decided to make a striptease right there. Howie had been watching the group since they arrived, during Moonshrowd's performance, and had been resisting the urge to go to their table and ask why Nick's hair was green. He wanted to see what was going on first.
If at night I entertain myself with the stars,
And catch the one that just begins to bloom,
I hold it in my hands, and I feel alarmed…
So many centuries, so many worlds,
So much space, and to coincide
Danny glared at Chris, even when his lover -because Chris had to be insane if he believed that Danny was giving him up - didn't notice. Chris' eyes were focused in a table behind Danny, were a group of eight men listened to the song.
Four of them had been the ones at the restaurant, the ones with the gorilla and the girls, but Danny didn't recognize the others. Their faces were familiar, but not familiar enough to ring a bell, or make him think of a name. Still, they were a strange crowd… And Danny didn't trust them.
He specially disliked one of the tallest, with short brown hair that was dyed in a wild shade of red, and wore a goatte. That guy was staring at Chris as if Chris were some invaluable possession, a weird creature in danger of extinction. And even when Danny had to admit that Chris was special, he had never thought that his lover deserved that kind of attention.
Whoever they were, whoever he was, Danny wasn't going to allow them to take his Elf away. Because that was what he could read in the lost eyes of the tall man. He wanted Chris. And Danny would be dammed if he let that happen. Sure, it had been a stupid move to tell Chris about Bobbie, but Bobbie had been adamant about that. She would never move into Danny's L.A. apartment if she wasn't sure that Danny was faithful to her, and he needed her father's contacts… That's why his liaison with Chris had to become more discreet. And Chris was everything but discrete.
He prided himself in being out, in being who he was… Which made Chris even more special.
Not that Danny was ever going to tell him that. His Elf had to believe that no one but Danny could love him, and it was the only way to keep him in his bedroom. Sure, he was going to marry Bobbie, but so far, Chris believed Bobbie to be a man… Danny knew he could pull it off, get Bobbie's millions, and keep his wonderful lover.
He only had to get rid of the tall, brown haired man and his friends.
If life is held by many instants
And every instant is the time to exist,
If your life is another instant, I can't understand…
So many centuries, so many worlds,
So much space, and to coincide
Chris finished the song, and for a moment, everyone stayed silent. It was just a second, and in that second, all his fears crossed his mind. But then someone started to clap, and the silence was over. Everyone clapped, some even got to his feet…
Everyone clapped, except Joey and Danny.
Danny was glaring at him, as he did every time Chris did something that embarrassed him. And Joey…
Joey was still on his place, his eyes fixed on Chris. And Chris knew, deep down, that Joey knew that the song was meant for him. How could he not, if the song only reflected what Chris had been feeling all week? It had been a big coincidence that they had seen each other in the bar -nothing, except perhaps Joey denying it, would convince Chris of the contrary-, an even bigger that Chris's sister had won the dream date, that she had took Chris with him… Let's not mention the fact that they were there, at the Cauldron, the night Chris performed.
But that many events couldn't be called coincidences. It had to be fate.
And in Joey's eyes, he could see that the other man thought the same thing.
Fully aware that he still needed to sing for at least an hour and a half more, and that if he was unlucky, Danny would still be there, he needed to send a message to Joey, to tell him that he felt the same, without altering someone that perhaps shouldn't know what went in that wordless conversation.
"I'm glad you liked that song…" He begun, and his voice only betrayed a slight tremor. After the first song, his stage fright always disappeared and he felt like if he could do anything. "The next one is from the same compositor, and I've been thinking about it all week… I'd like to dedicate it to a very special person that I meet a week ago, and who hopefully won't feel too offended."
The mouth of my beloved is a cherry garden,
A clear water fountain and the bowl where I ease,
Where I feed my desires…
His lips renew me, his teeth are sugar,
His breath is perfume, his breath is perfume
Joey drew a breath, hoping that in the bad lit place no one heard him. He couldn't help it. He had wanted to believe that the other song had been meant for him, sure it was nothing more than wishful thinking. But now, Chris was staring right at him as he sang, and there was no doubt in his eyes.
Almost mesmerized by the deep brown pools in stage, Joey licked his lips, slowly, wondering if Chris had really thought of the song because of him, and that was what he thought of Joey's lips, or if it was just a moment inspiration, or… or something else.
Whatever it was, Joey couldn't tear his eyes away from Chris, away from his lips, that moved slowly, forming the words of the song.
Never ending river is his voice as he speaks,
lulls me, feeds me, keeps me, comforts me.
His laughter is transparent as the teasing wind,
It fills me when he laughs, when he smiles.
When he smiles at nothing, and I invite him to smile again,
His crystal laughter is my joy, is my reward.
Chris kept singing, forgetting all his audience. He was not singing for them, or for himself. Not anymore. He was singing for Joey and Joey alone. And with each word he reviewed all the dear memories he had treasured in his heart of that single night at Joey's side. Joey's smile, Joey's laughter…
He tired to convey all those feelings, all the warmth that image brought to his heart, into his words. And he looked at Joey, because all the others had vanished, disappeared in the moment he started to sing. And Joey looked back, and he was licking his lips, maybe from nervousness, maybe it was just a habit that the teeny magazines hadn't picked up… but for Chris it looked inviting, tempting.
The music didn't stop for a moment, even when he wanted to. He wanted to go to where Joey was, and kiss him so deeply that it wouldn't matter that Joey was leaving the next day, because Chris was always going to carry the taste of him.
But he couldn't. So instead, he tried to caress Joey with his song.
And if his voice betrays a sigh from his chest,
It envelopes me, captures me. It flatters me
And I hurry to comfort his hands,
his lips, his neck.
His dove-like body, his graceful flight
And in the shape of his mouth, my mouth is desire
Joey had to bit his lips to stop a moan. He didn't need the others to find out what was he thinking, and thankfully he was on the edge of the table, so he could focus completely in Chris, his voice, and his words. The song, meant for him even when Chris hadn't say his name, was eroding his self control very subtly but quickly, and if it went for much longer he would get up his seat and taste Chris' lips, and fulfill all the promises Chris' was singing to him.
That would certainly shock JC. And that thought was enough to make Joey stay in his seat. He didn't care for the rest of the people in the café, they probably had never heard of *N Sync, and those who had probably didn't connected their faces with their voices. But his friends, all his friends were there, and they didn't know where Joey went when he disappeared, didn't know of the secret longing Joey had for the small teacher, singing love songs on the stage.
So he stayed in his place, licked his lips once again, wishing it was Chris' tongue and not his, and kept his eyes on the other's figure, hoping that Chris could see in his eyes how much the song was affecting him.
His mouth is the window, his mouth is his secret,
Is the song of the water, and the language of the soul,
And is love and time, his mouth that I love.
For a second, so imperceptible that no one noticed -or at least, Chris hoped that no one did-, his fingers trembled over the strings, and he almost missed a note. He had been watching Joey all the while, and when he reached the part of love and time, the other man had slightly open his mouth, just a little bit… And Chris had lost it. He had to get out of there, away from Danny, away from Howie, away from the memories.
But he kept on singing, because he still could feel JC's glare on him -not that JC was glaring anymore, Chris had stolen a look towards the rest of his audience and at the moment, JC was doing a passable personification of a goldfish-, and he knew, as well as he knew that if he didn't kiss Joey once he would die, that no one would appreciate him kissing senseless one of the pop sensations of the year.
He finished the musical interlude between the stanzas, and looked down to the strings for a moment. He knew he had to lay down the romantic songs for the evening, or he would embarrass himself further… but he had to finish this song. He had to finish his message to Joey, that unfortunately couldn't end with 'please, come and see me tonight'.
And he sang, unconsciously licking his lips, and thinking on how sweet would Joey taste, and if he ever would get a chance to find out.
The mouth of my beloved is a cherry garden
Is a harvest of oranges, lemons and almonds.
Is shadow and freshness, in the most perfect shape.
And my most cherished treasure,
because he gives me everything
When he treats me with a kiss.
Joey barely heard the end of the song, the round of applauses or when Chris, his voice shaking slightly, announced the next. A Billy Joel one, completely different from the first two, which meant that his private part of the show was over, that Chris had to perform for the other people in the café. He was still remembering the look on Chris' eyes when he had looked up, right in the last line, and looked straight into Joey's eyes.
He would kill to see that look directed at him again, every morning, until the end of time. A look of longing, love and lust that Joey knew had been mirrored in his eyes, because if not, why Chris' voice had trembled, why he had been nervous hitting the first notes of the next song?
They had to get away. As soon as the show was over, he would think of an excuse to get Chris to come with them, a excuse to talk to him in private…
And then, Joey would give him everything, just to see him smile.
He was going to fulfill the promise he had made to himself the day he first saw Chris on that bar.