Act I , Scene 2

Joey was dreaming.

        He knew he was dreaming.

        Because he was running in a forest, chasing Meredith,

At least, he thought it was Meredith. He hadn't seen her face, just the edge of her dress, a long, purple dress, with feathers and glitter, that

        but she was always ahead of him. Always hiding.

        And he was being followed.

        He heard the crunch of the branches under his hunter's feet, hear his hunter laughter mixed with the singing birds, and

And if that laugh stirred his insides, and made him just want to turn around and surrender, he didn't acknowledge it. He wasn't going to surrender now

        once he had almost seen his hunter, when he had not been able to hold his curiosity and just looked behind his shoulder for an instant. A quick look to see what he was running from.

        He caught a glimpse, and was burned.

        Burned by twin deep, brown pools that shone with mirth and laughter and joy and life.

        So he had looked forward, trying to avoid those eyes, to catch Meredith and forget the forest behind him.

* * *

"You look like shit." Howie told him, as Joey stumbled into the common area of the *N Sync bus. "Too much drinking?"

"He had nightmares." Lance helpfully supplied. "Tossed and turned all night."

"Meredith again?" Justin questioned, lifting his eyes from his cereal bowl for a few seconds. "It's been what? A week?"

"Two." Joey grungy admitted, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "And I don't wanna talk about it."

        The night after the Awards, Meredith had announced her engagement to the heartthrob actor who had been her date. Joey's only reaction to that had been to rent the Titanic DVD and watch frame by frame how Jack meet an untimely, painful, frozen death a thousand times. The others had said that it was an unhealthy way to deal with the pentup aggression. They were right, they just didn't know half of it.

        Because they didn't know that somewhere between repetition 15 and 20, Kate Winslow's voice was replaced by the high falsetto of the older Backstreet Boy.

        Joey knew he was being sick. But as much as he tried to stop it, the voice haunted his waking moments.

        Because when he was asleep, his dreams were filled with visions of forests, purple dresses and brown eyes.

        It was finally taking his toll on him.

"When is our next concert?" He asked, feeling more awake.

"In two days." Lance was very concerned, Joey could tell. But Lance was discreet. He knew about the nightmares because they usually shared hotel rooms, and because his bunk was below Joey's. But he didn't intrude. He didn't ask. It was totally different from Justin and Howie, who always wanted to know.

"Today we've got the radio interview." Howie said, smiling and drinking his tea. Joey hated the thing, but Howie always looked as if it was heaven, that first cup of tea in the morning. "Then the VMA's nominations will be announced."

"Oh, fuck. Not another one!" Justin groaned. "We're going to share a stage with the Bastards again?"

"Unfortunately." Lance admitted, sourly, before grinning. "That only means we'll kick their asses again!"

        No one noticed that Joey didn't join in the almost ritual bashing against Backstreet Boys, and if they noticed, no one said a thing.

        And Joey didn't care if they thought it was weird. He simply sat near the window and watched the landscape pass before his eyes.

* * *

"You're in love." Nic k said, very serious. So seriously that for a moment Chris didn't know how to react.

        They were in the waiting room for TRL, waiting for Carson to introduce them, and while Kevin called Kristen, because the wedding is coming soon, and Brian called Lieghanne, because he doesn't want the wedding to be soon, and AJ was… well, somewhere, Nick cornered Chris.

"What?!" He managed to squeal, sounding more girly than ever. "NO!" And Nick started laughing, and Chris knew he had just been had. "Get lost, Chaos!"

"Can't. Kevin would have a cow if I go missing three seconds before an interview." Nick answered, stretching on his seat. "You're way too quiet today, Crazy."

"Maybe I'm just getting old." Chris forced himself to smile, knowing that he wasn't fooling Nick. Nick, who despite being ten years younger than himself, was his best friend in the group.

"You? No way!" The younger man shook his head, looking ten years younger. "You're like Peter Fucking Pan, man. You'll never grow old. So, what's up?"

"I'm just tired, Nick." Chris sighed, looking at his bandmate and wondering if he could explain to him exactly what was wrong. "They'll announce the VMA's today, you know?"

"Yeah, and?"

"*N Sync is going to be nominated, same as us."

"And? We'll kick their copycat asses, man!"

"That's the thing." His voice was almost a whisper, and the only sing Chris had to know that Nick had heard was that the younger man leaned in. "Why we're so obsessed on beating them?"

"What do you mean?" Nick frowned, confused. "We're not obsessed! We're just better than *N Sux!"

"Whatever you say, kid." Chris ruffled Nick's hair, playfully. "Whatever you say."

* * *

        They were nominated for three VMA: Best Pop Video, Best Male Group Video and Best Ballad Video.

        All of them had him competing against the Backstreet Boys.

        This I promise you and It's gonna be me against Shape of my heart and The Call.

        Joey sighed, leaning on the bed of his hotel room. He was watching MTV, where the fans were giving their opinions about the nominations.

        'It's gonna be me' had just been on, and Joey laughed at their faces, bright with makeup and grinning like idiots in the giant toy store.

        Then 'Shape of my heart' came in.

        Joey had never seen a Backstreet Boys video, at least not paying attention to it.

        The video was filmed in soft blue tones, and the group was reading lines from a script.

"Probably the song lines." Joey muttered, watching Brian sing to a girl in the empty seats of the theater, as if auditioning. Then, the chorus, and AJ, Nick and Kevin sang the second stanza. There was a scene on a table, where they were laughing and eating, and Chris… Chris was making strange movements with his hands, to make the girl smile… like if he was using a sock puppet without a sock.

        I feel, with my confession,

        Joey's heart stopped, seeing Chris standing by his own in the big stage, dressed in blue denim.

        got nothing to hide, no more

        And as he sang, with his impossible high voice that seemed to have a wider range than Howie's, the camera panned down and fixed on Chris' eyes.

        His brown, dark eyes, now tinted with a little blue.

        Joey turned off the TV, and, in a fit of rage, threw the remote against the set.

* * *

"Who the fuck wrote the script for this video?" AJ was asking when Chris entered the house. They were in Kevin's home, getting a little rest before the new tour.

"Dunno. But the bubbles are creepy." Nick answered, munching on popcorn.

        Chris looked at the screen, identifying Justin Timberlake's pensive face.

        Of course, he thought, it's bash on your opponents week.

        It was Brian, AJ and Nick's favorite pastime before an award. Kevin rarely joined in, although he was pretty vicious at it, and only did so to mock *N Sync. Chris never joked along unless he was depressed or drunk.

        The video was not one of *N Sync's best, Chris thought, while the others sneered and laughed. Too many Justin and JC's close-ups.

        You could barely see Joey.

        As soon as he thought that, Chris shook his head. He really needed to forget the possible friendship that he could not have with the *N Syncer.

        Joey hated the Backstreet Boys. He would never be friends with one.

        As if on cue, the image on the screen switched to an outdoors restaurant where the *N syncers were hanging out. Joey was smiling, eating, relaxing.

        And Chris had to leave, because he couldn't stand the sight of what would never be his.

* * *

        The pre-VMA's party was just like the one before. Only without costumes.

        Joey wandered aimlessly through the crowd, glad that Meredith wasn't there, glad that Di Coffee guy wasn't invited.

        And amazingly grateful that the rest of his group was busy mingling somewhere else.

        Because even if he had no actual direction to go, he was looking for someone.

        He had to find Chris. He had to talk to the Backstreet Boy again.

        Chris was invading his life, and that was so wrong that Joey had the crazy notion that it was because Chris had been there for him, the night he realized Meredith would never be his. So, if he talked to Chris again, Chris would end up being just like the other Bastards and Joey could forget all about him.

        That was the plan. The perfect plan.

        Until he bumped into Chris. Chris who looked around and smiled brightly when he saw him, only to frown when Joey didn't say anything, who stammered an apology and started walking away, really embarrassed.

        Then, the plan changed. "Hey!" Joey called, and Chris turned around, truthfully confused. "What do you think of the party?"

        And Chris had smiled again, and for a moment, Joey could forget he was an *N Syncer, and that Chris was a Backstreet Boy