Act 4 , Scene 2

...After Joey died, everything went downhill.

        No one really understood the reasons why Joey killed himself, no one but the remaining members of both groups. Lance knew, because he had dug enough dirt on Jive, that Justin's real condition, safe and sound, had been kept under wraps, and that it had caused Joey's already bad depression to worsen.

        I knew that Brian had been less than understanding with Chris, and that he had been a real jerk to Joey. More so, I knew that Brian's blame on Joey hadn't gone unheard.

        Joey killed himself because he believed he had caused Chris' death.

        However, Jive managed to play it down to 'depression caused by bandmate's disappearance'.

        Funny how depression is the answer to everything now a days.

        Because depression was the reason why Justin hang himself from his cell a month later.

        At least, that was what MTV news said : "Depression caused by the loss of best friend / brotherly figure and jail time'.

        We knew that it was just bullshit. Justin killed himself because he couldn't live with what he had
done, not only to me, but to Chris, to Joey and to the world.

        You see, Jive had made sure that he got every single fan letter that was addressed to him. Every
single 7 to 16 year old girl in America telling him how sorry they were, or how much they hated him,
or how he had broken her illusions. Every Backstreet fan wishing he would die. He got them all, he
read them all… And that finally got to him.

        He was death #3.

        Numbers 4, 5, and 6 were almost one after the other. They got us all by surprise.

        I mean… Who would have thought Brian had gone insane?

        Who would have thought Nick and Kevin were fucking each other, either?

        We still don't know how Brian found out. He never mentioned it, nor to the shrink, not in his letters, not to his priest. But somehow, he found out. And in his madness he somehow decided that he had
to clean the world all by himself, and that *N sync was to blame for his cousin's 'illness'.

        The cops say that neither Nick nor Kevin realized what was happening. I sure hope they were right and that they didn't feel the bullets that killed them. And that Brian was a sharp shooter and got them straight in their hearts.

        We didn't found them until later, when Lance heard Brian kill JC, when he called 911 and spend two
hours inside the Compound trying to outrun him.

        I'm glad he did.

        I mean, Chris had the right idea. *N Syncers aren't that bad persons.

        Sure, I wouldn't date one, and I sure as hell wouldn't kill myself over one, but Lance is a cool
friend.

        Brian lasted 6 months in therapy. He never accepted he had committed murder. He saw it as a
'sacrifice' and 'cleansing'.

        I only went to see him once. And he was in denial. He told me he hadn't kill Kevin, that the faggot he had murdered was not even human…

        I really couldn't stand much of that and I left.

        Three months later, he killed himself.

        He suffocated with his own pillow. I shudder to think the strength of will he needed to do it.

        Jive, however, managed to shush it a little bit too. 'Depression'. That was it.

        Nothing about a note we found later on, a note in which Brian admitted to have looked at Wade
Robson with 'sinful eyes'. So I guess he was just keeping on his cleaning act.

        He was the last one to die.

        The rest… we've managed to keep on going.

        Not as a band, though. I doubt any of us have any will left to sing.

        I'm the only Backstreet Boy who's left. And you all know what I've been doing with my life the last
year. I never thought I would go back on writing again, and now I'm one of the top writers for Rolling
Stones. Beats the crap out of being a has been at 23. And at least I've got the means to tell the
whole story.

        Howie devoted himself to charity. The Lupus foundation. A Gay Rights awareness program. The
association for help to depressed teens. I'm starting to believe he also feels guilty for all that
happened, but at least, he keeps going.

        We all keep going.

        Lance, as you probably know, is the perfect business man. He already had Free Lance and A
Happy Place, but when he uncovered all the dirt on Jive, he became rich. And he's using his money
to keep the dream going.

        Only that he is not committing the same mistakes as our managers. His acts don't even do dope.

        We talk once a month, about everything, and nothing. We became good friends. At least something
good came out of all the death.

        Joey was buried next to Chris. It was Steve's idea, because he, and Lance, were the only ones who
knew the whole truth. When he realized what Lance and I planned, that we wanted to make the world realize why they had killed themselves, he gave me Joey's diary.

        In it, he writes that he used to dream with Chris, in a forest.

        I can't help but hope that somewhere, in that dream forest, they are together.

        And that hope is the only thing that lets me sleep.

Alexander J. McLean.
For the Rolling Stones magazine